Part of the luggage we carry to our prayer is a result of our being "a listening." From our earliest days, we learn that a simple cry brings the loving attention of parents. This love is so much like God's love for his creations. Unfortunately as we begin to develop some abilities to discern and make decisions, we find that the same loving parents begin to establish some of the parameters of our being "a listening."
"Mommy (or Daddy) won't love you if you don't eat your spinach." Suddenly and in many different negotiating ways, the child learns he/she is not lovable in him/herself. It is what they do that earns love.
The same is true when the child begins to have peers. Possessions, popularity, and brain power begin to separate kids from one another. There does become a king (or queen) of the hill!
The result of this negotiated love, this dividing among peers? The child begins to see and to think (his/her "a listening" experience) begins to realize that his/her value is built upon what he/she has, what he/she does, and what other "especially significant providers" think of him/her. This is where the false self takes its first formation.
As we grow older, especially in developed societies, what becomes the divider is what we do. "I am Joe Jones or Mary Smith; I am the president of the PTA or I am a history professor at the university or I am the chair lady of the flower society ... and so on." Where is the real self, where is the false self here? Unfortunately this kind of thinking has become so prevalent in our society. I lived in Florida for three years. A classmate at the University of Florida (Go, Gators!!!) conducted a study of the individual's sense of self worth among people who had retired and moved south. Many found themselves lost ... who am I? I am no longer the president of the local bank! I am no longer the lead lady at the Chamber of Commerce. Ugh oh, I am back to being just me!!!
This kind of emotional pain is brought about by that false self we began to build as children: what I have, what I do and what people think of me. And unfortunately, again, we carry this kind of thinking, this false self even to our experience of our faith. "God, I know that I will stop cursing if I get the promotion. God, I will give up alcohol if ... and so on. This false self think surely sets up a clear negotiating kind of relationship with God.
Go back in thought to the Baltimore Catechism: it was so easy to have a "relationship" with God. Go to Mass on Sundays; don't eat meat on Fridays; get to Confessions at least once a month. Rules established to assist us negotiate salvation from our God. Now days steak tastes somewhat better on Fridays. The strictness of Sunday Mass has tremendously weakened. Now we are called to reach out to the poor and needy. Now we are called to read the Bible -- uncharted territory for many Catholics! So what happens to our relationship with God. As Fr. Basil says so simply and directly: "Maybe we have to establish a real personal relationship."
